4 more days till the end of 2009... and I am kind of late in doing my yearly reflection but better late than never I guess ;)
The year started out very exciting for me... starting full-time at work and having my own new cell group to shepherd. Then gradually, I was given the opportunity to be mentored by my boss and also to be more involved in the training of new staff, both of which are the desires of my heart in the area of work. At cell group, I have had the joy and privilege of seeing my boys and girl growing up and rising up as young leaders, who not only love and fear God, but who are also talented and passionate for the things of God and the church. Truly, these are the blessings accorded to me by the grace of God for I could not possibly have done anything that could have yielded such an outcome. Towards the end of the year, 2009 threw a few more challenges in my way... one of which was the 'move'. It has been a few weeks now since 'the move' and so far, I am glad to say has been rather smooth-sailing and actually quite enjoyable. Sure there are fewer luxuries now, but I am learning a lot about what it means to be 'domesticated' =P
In each of those situations above though, while in the midst of it, I remember feeling uncertain, fearfu, doubtful, incompetent and insecure... until a point where I simply surrendered it all to the Lord and trusted in His grace to carry me through. And now as I look back, I do feel somewhat foolish for having felt all those things because, things have a way of turning out for the best. As the saying goes, "I may not know what the future holds but I know who holds my future" and that is more than enough for me! So I guess one of my 2010 resolutions would be to trust in the Lord wholeheartedly and not try to take things into my own hands or do things based on my own limited perspective and understanding.
What is most amazing to me in all of this though, is how God seemed to have planned all these from years ago. The kind of situations He has put me in, the kind of training He has put me through, the people He has allowed to cross my path to direct, encourage, correct and advise me has led me to this road I am travelling. Watching this is like watching a master weaver at work, one who begins with just length after length of colourful yarn and threads and slowly, gradually, bit by bit weaves together an exquisite piece of tapestry. Things seemingly unrelated, disconnected and diverse are brought together and woven together in such a way that brings out not only the beauty of its individual components but also the unique and distinctive beauty of the whole part as one, magnificent masterpiece.
One of the first things that come to mind was 2007, the year I supposedly 'wasted' due to some complication pertaining to an offer that was made and later retracted. This 'wrong' decision I made resulted in my quitting a job I love with all my heart (haha which explains why I am back there now...), a waiting period of six months which resulted in me working with a training company making cold calls and meeting all kinds of different people (be it over the phone or face-to-face), then the final 'rejection' that resulted in another six months of 'nothing-ness' (which God in His amazing grace turned into a period of mentoring with a salary increment for me!) In that six months, I learned so much about the reality of God in the lives of people, about the big dreams of these godly people for this nation, and about how anybody no matter how insignificant they seem, can be used by God to impact others so long as they are willing and available to Him. I met giants of faith and faithful giants in that last six months. Also in that last six months, my interest in the area of teaching and training grew. It was on my mind, one of those things that lingered but didn't really want to do anything about it yet... and I left it.
Then came 2008 when after 3 months of "wandering" and soul-searching, I was offered a part-time job back at the old company (I am SO glad I left on good terms!!). I enjoyed it tremendously, more than I did before I left... and by the end of year, was back almost full time. At the end of 2008, I figured I should probably request to go back full-time, since my job hunt wasn't going anywhere and the bumming wasn't exactly very productive. But before I could open my mouth to make any requests, they offered me a full-time position... wheee!! And well, from there my exposure to teaching and training new staff started and that interest that was sparked off way back in 2007 was reignited =) With this, I can see more clearly where God is leading me to as He opens these opportunities to me and gives me space to grow and learn. And I am excited to see what else might come my way for 2010! Haha so the year I supposedly 'wasted' wasn't wasted after all! It all worked out because "I may not know what the future holds but I know who holds my future" So even when things don't seem to be going right... trust in Him, cos He knows =)
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