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Sunday, 01 November 2009

  • True Worshippers - Nyanyi Bagi Dia
    Angkatlah suaramu
    Puji dan serukan nama Yesus
    Tanggalkan bebanmu
    Tak perlu kau khuatir
    S'bab Dia sanggup

    Gerakkan kakimu
    Menarilah dan bertepuk tangan
    Bersukacitalah
    Tak perlu kau khuatir
    S'bab Dia sanggup

    S'karang nyanyikan kebesaranNya
    Dia kuat dan penuh kuasa
    Bersorak-sorai kar'na kasihNya
    T'lah datang melawat kita
    Nyanyi bagi Dia

    The Lord knows my heart's desire. Just in the morning, I had found myself humming this song and wondering why we did not sing it anymore in church. And sure enough, during celebration today, this came up! It is so comforting indeed to know, that God is ABLE! I do not need to doubt because He is able! And should there be any burdens I am carrying, I need only to lay them at His feet and surrender them to Him. Praise the Lord and rejoice indeed!

    Brian Doerkson - Refiner's Fire
    Purify my heart
    Let me be as gold, and precious silver
    Purify my heart
    Let me be as gold, pure gold

    Refiner's fire
    My heart's one desire
    Is to be holy
    Set apart for You, Lord
    I choose to be holy
    Set apart for You, my Master
    Ready to do Your will

    Purify my heart
    Cleanse me from within and make me holy
    Purify my heart
    Cleanse me from my sin, deep within

    Lord, You know me and the condition of my heart. There is nothing I can hide from You, and nowhere I can run to hide from You. So Lord, as I surrender my all to You, may You do with me as you please. I want to be made pure. Create in me a pure heart, O Lord, and renew a steadfast spirit within me! Lord, even in the face of trials and temptations, help me to remember that those are things I will have to face in life, and help me to remember to place my full and complete trust in You to carry me through them. Help me, Lord, to remember what it means to be in the Refiner's Fire... that though it may be painful, it is, and will be worth it, in the end. Purify me, Lord.

    Judson Van DeVenter - I Surrender All
    I surrender all
    I surrender all
    All to thee, my Precious Saviour
    I surrender all

    And Lord, I surrender my all to You. There is none - nothing, no one - I desire besides You, for only You can satisfy this longing. You are, Lord, my Precious Saviour and help me Lord to never forget the precious sacrifice You made on the cross of Calvary. Precious, precious Savior, I love You Lord. Even though I am completely unworthy of such love and sacrifice, You did it still out of your rich grace and mercy. And as I begin even to contemplate and evaluate the things I have in my life, where I want to go, what I want to do... help me not to forget You. Help me to put You first in everything, not to become complacent nor proud but to centre everything else in my life around You. You deserve it all, You are my all.

Thursday, 29 October 2009

  • A sure sign I need a break from work or at least, just a break...

    Was told today by a colleague, that last week some of his kids (whom I've taught before) made some very interesting (and deeply insightful!) comments about me. They wondered aloud what had happened to me in the past year. They said I used to be such a nice and sweet mentor, and one of them said he even thought about marrying me! (HAHA!) But recently, they found that I have become increasingly (and incredibly!) grouchy, moody and fierce. Bah... so what happened to Aunty Jessica? *sobs*.. tis the emergence of the Mr Hyde in me =(  My only comfort (though not really) is that they said almost the same thing about another female colleague of mine. After some discussion, one of them tries to sum it up, and this one takes the cake though.. and it is certainly not flattering in any way: "Must be the age lah" Booooooohoooohooo! I'm turning into an old grouch and I'm barely even 30!!

    I think people in the teaching profession really ought to take breaks every now and then just to recuperate and refocus. I mean, after days-in and days-out of facing rebellious, smart-alec, stubborn, rude, annoying, loud kids... it's easy to forget why you're in the profession in the first place and just go with the flow - that is, scream, shout, demand, scold, punish just to get the results. Sigh. No wonder kids come out so messed up. It scares me that I have a part in contributing to their messed-up-ness! Sobs!

    Got to re-align my focus. Just go to. Before I keep going down that sordid path and end up becoming some weird, demented tormentor of a mentor =P

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

  • You Alone - ProjectGsus
    Simple words I bring
    May they touch your heart
    In the secret place
    Majestic you are

    I will sing of your mercy
    And tell of your love
    I will open my heart and proclaim

    You alone are God in this place
    I will sing my praise to You
    Sing my praise to You
    You alone are the maker of my heart
    You're the God who reigns
    Forever I will sing your praise

    Beautiful One
    Love of my life
    With You I'll soar again
    Mercy unending
    Love unfailing
    Glory to you

    It brings me great comfort to know that in times when things seem so uncertain, that when I am myself confused and muddled about everything around and in me, that God knows me. He is indeed my rock, my fortress, my tower of refuge and strength. To whom could I run to, knowing full well that I would be loved, not condemned; shielded, not harmed; received, not rejected; strengthened, not shamed... only to the maker of my heart, my Creator King. You hold me still in the midst of the storm, you strengthen me with your love... thank you Lord, for your amazing, amazing grace.

Monday, 26 October 2009

  • The past week has been quite a whirlwind. Actually, the past few months have been somewhat the same... been feeling extremely tired from work lately. Not only with the long hours, but the amount of reports, assessments, meetings, raids, trainings etc.. very stressful and it's beginning to show. I have been having difficulty sleeping, thus partly why I'm up till odd hours of the morning. Which obviously doesn't help because I end up going to work with half-opened eyes and half-awake brain. I've been late almost everyday this week too and that is VERY bad.

    The days fly by so quickly, I hardly know what's happening. It used to take a long time to reach Friday but now in just the blink of an eye, its Thursday night and me stressing over all the reports due every Friday. Then comes Saturday and my frantic preparation for cell group and then Sunday where I almost literally pass out and sleep till way past noon... then back again to Monday.

    But I can't blame it all entirely on work either. And I wonder all the more why I am pouring so much into work these days. Part of me knows the reason, but the other part doesn't want to acknowledge it... cos acknowledging it means having to deal with it. And that, I am not ready to do. Sigh.

    I want out. I want to run away... far, far away and forget all the things that has happened, are happening now and will be happening soon. I want to take a break from everything... and yet at the same time, I question my real reason for doing that. Is it as a means of escape, or am I really doing the right thing to put certain things out of my life so I can re-focus better? Is it just an excuse to be lazy? Or is it necessary before I burn out? Why on earth am I burning out anyway? Am I giving up too easily? I don't even know where my stress threshold is! GAH.

    The worst thing is... all this stress is starting to manifest itself physically in me. My mucus problem has returned, the dizzy spells have begun and I've been having diarrhea for the past two days. Woot. What a way to end the year. Sobsob... I want out.

Friday, 23 October 2009

  • For Thou O Lord
    Art high above all the earth
    Thou art exalted far above all gods
    For Thou O Lord
    Art high above all the earth
    Thou art exalted far above all gods

    I exalt Thee, I exalt Thee
    I exalt Thee, O Lord
    I exalt Thee, I exalt Thee
    I exalt Thee, O Lord